The A-Team Review

During one of the central action set-pieces in the movie update of 80’s action TV show The A-Team, there is a scenario in which, through an increasingly ridiculous chain of events, a tank complete with parachutes crashes through the sky towards Earth, machine guns rattling and rocket launcher booming as they fire against an enemy plane.
“Are they trying to shoot down the other drone?”, asks one character.
“No, they’re trying to fly that tank”, comes the reply.

If you think that sounds intensely silly, then you would most probably be right. If you think that sounds rubbish, then you’re probably better off leaving The A-Team unwatched and going and seeing Inception again.

While the characters, the theme tune and the catch-phrases from the A-Team are all undoubtedly iconic, I must confess that I am too young to remember the original show myself, and so for this review I am forced to focus mainly upon the film itself.

From the offset, the tone and aim of the A-Team is made very clear. It is here to entertain you, make you grin, laugh, and wonder if it will get any more outlandish. As Bradley Cooper’s Faceman says to his leader,
“This is beyond nuts, boss!”
“It gets better”, responds Liam Neeson’s Hannibal.

The camaraderie and snappy back-and-forth remarks between the characters is both fun and witty, each personality played well and knowingly by the cast.

When it comes to the action though, which is suitably over the top, there is much less of a tongue-in-cheek vibe. This is a legitimate action film, and is often genuinely exciting, just set in a world where nothing is seen as being ‘too ridiculous’.

The script retains the character identities of the original team, such as B.A’s fear of flying, Face’s womanising ways and Hannibal’s pride of his men.

Sharlto Copley in particular, who was fantastic in last summer’s brilliant sci-fi District 9, is great fun as Howlin’ Mad Murdock. Quinton Jackson’s B.A retains his catchphrases and character traits, but sadly isn’t given much to do or much time to develop, but Bradley Cooper is obviously having a ball and Neeson admirably enters into the spirit of the whole thing.

While it’s all thoroughly enjoyable and ridiculous, the movie isn’t without its problems. For such a simple film, the plot is needlessly convoluted, and it can be hard to keep up with who is betraying who. These betrayals are never big twists, begging the question as to why they’re there at all. The A-Team is at its most enjoyable in its opening hour, when it’s at its most straight-forward, particularly in a great pre-credits sequence.

Another problem is the CGI. Special effects are ever-improving, with most of Avatar being almost photo-realistic, but lots of its usage in the A-Team is obvious and sometimes takes you out of the moment when you should be just sitting and enjoying the carnage. It also means that at times there’s little tension. If the audience doesn’t believe that actions onscreen are actually happening, its easy to find yourself thinking that the characters are never really in any danger.

However, this shouldn’t stop people from going to see it. The A-Team is ridiculous, over the top, but surprisingly enjoyable, and it makes absolutely no apologies for that. At its most fun, it’s hard to argue as Hannibal claims that “overkill is under-rated”. With a disengaged brain, its very entertaining. But anyone going expecting substance? I pity the fool.

Entertainment Value: 3.5/5
Genre Value: 3.5/5
Style: 2.5/5
Overall: 3/5

The Rebound Review

Last year, a film called (500) Days of Summer found its way onto cinema screens. It was a refreshing, honest, stylistic take on the romantic comedy genre, both innovative and modern.

Now comes The Rebound, a new rom-com starring Catherine Zeta Jones. The Rebound likes to think it is refreshing and honest. It sees itself as modern, as being something different in the rom-com market. But it isn’t. It’s a confused, lazy and unfunny mess.

It’s telling of the so-called ‘comedy’ that the funniest thing about the film is the irony of Catherine Zeta Jones dating somebody who is actually 20 years younger than her.

Sandy is a 40-something stay-at-home mother living in the suburbs of New York. When she realises her husband is cheating on her, she promptly ups and leaves, taking the children with her. Setting herself up in the Big City, she quickly gets a decent job at a sports news station and an apartment (what, no recession?), complete with a cute guy in his 20s who works in the coffee shop below. Said cute guy, Aram, ends up babysitting for Sandy’s kids, and then...
Well, you can guess what happens from there.

Catherine Zeta Jones is serviceable enough in her role, though she is fairly bland throughout. However, Justin Bartha, playing Aram, is dreadfully one-note, with all his lines delivered in the same monotonous drawl. His part could have been played to similar effect by a robot, or Spock. No emotion necessary.

Then there’s the problem of the jokes. Simply put, The Rebound just isn’t very funny. There are a couple of smiles and the odd chuckle, but nothing close enough to constitute a laugh.

The film veers wildly in tone, with several moments of averagely-done serious drama, punctuated by odd gross-out gags. Most of the jokes are completely random, deriving neither from plot or character, and seemingly tacked on. Those that are character driven aren’t funny, including a cringe-worthy scene in a Women’s Center. A woman beating up a man dressed as a sumo-wrestler? Not particularly amusing. The worst part is that, in context, this could have been a genuinely dramatic and emotional moment.

Halfway through, the jokes run out, and the film becomes more of a straight middle-of-the-road drama. And whilst that means it’s a slight improvement on what’s come before, it’s too little too late.

The ending of the film also presents a problem, with the very last seconds contradicting the 15 minutes which precede it. With events moving back to a more realistic area in this section, though providing none of the emotional heft that it thinks it does, the final shots return to the fantastical romantic ideal that it seemed to have left behind, which just left me thinking: what was the point?

To watch a truly modern and innovative romance, do yourself a favour and spend your £7 on a copy of (500) Days of Summer or Once instead of this mess.

Entertainment Value: 2/5
Genre Value: 2/5
Style: 1.5/5
Overall Rating: 2/5

The Karate Kid (2010) Review

The latest film to get the Hollywood re-make treatment is 80s classic The Karate Kid. Here the story remains the same; bullied kid finds a mentor in a strange old Asian man, learns karate and faces his tormenters in a martial arts tournament. But now, Ralph Macchio’s Daniel-San is Jaden (son of Will) Smith’s Shao-Dre, Pat Morita’s Mr. Miyagi is Jackie Chan’s Mr. Han, and California has been substituted for Beijing. Oh, and it’s not Karate anymore. It’s Kung Fu.

As the opening credits roll, with hip-hop beats blaring from the speakers, it’s clear that this is most definitely an update for a modern audience. I doubted whether a remake of the original would work two decades later - after all, it is very much a film of its time, with its fun, but cheesy and over-the-top appeal. Add to that the hair, the fashion and the music, and it’s difficult to imagine the film being set at any other time than 80s America.

However, the new version triumphs in truly retaining the spirit and charm of its predecessor. The relocation to China works surprisingly well, and serves to distinguish the film, giving it a different identity to the original. The city of Beijing, though being a typically tourists-eye view (characters visit the Great Wall of China, the Forbidden City), is represented as being culturally diverse, and the scenery is often absolutely stunning.

Jaden Smith makes for an excellent Dre, clearly inheriting the acting skills and charm of his father. He retains believability as the kid forced to move from his home, friends and comfortable surroundings to a new life in China. His physicality is also extremely impressive - he has clearly worked hard for the role, performing many of his own stunts. When you see him balancing on poles whilst doing the splits, or high-kicking, or sweeping legs, that’s really him. Jacket on, jacket off, indeed.

Surprisingly excellent also is Jackie Chan as Dre’s unlikely mentor, Mr. Han. After a few years of taking roles in children’s comedies, its nice to see Chan back doing some martial arts work in one particularly thrilling sequence, protecting Dre from the group of youths intent on making his life a misery. Yet it is in his acting that Chan really impresses, portraying the sadness of Mr. Han’s past whilst still making him a fun and motivational character.

Parents should be advised that the darkness of this back-story may be distressing for younger children, as could some of the fights, which are surprisingly fierce at times.

As in the original, the film climaxes in a genuinely exciting Kung Fu tournament, with some well-choreographed action and a dramatically satisfying conclusion.

Running at almost two and a half hours, The Karate Kid needs to lose twenty minutes. Though the film never drags, a touch more editing would have resulted in a tighter and more sprightly finishing product. Some of the character introductions are fairly clunky, and the story is generally pretty predictable.

Despite this, the new Karate Kid succeeds because it knows what it is - a drama, with some comedic moments and cool fights. It’s a well known story, simply told, and is different enough to the original to retain a sense of identity but without doing it a disservice. It doesn’t condescend, nor does it think too highly of itself, but, crucially, it does entertain.

Entertainment Value: 4/5
Genre Value: 4/5
Style: 3/5
Overall Rating: 3.5/5

Journey To The Center Of The Earth 3D Review

Following in the footsteps of "Beowulf 3D" comes "Journey...", a family caper presented in Digital Real D, the first live action movie to be presented in the format. Starring Brendan Fraser as almost exactly the same character he played in The Mummy films (shabby, likable loser, quick to quip, made to mug) the film follows a relatively simple plot - cousin and uncle go on adventure, following clues and ideas from their long lost father/brother's ideas about Jules Verne's 1864 novel "A Journey to the Center of the Earth". It soon becomes apparent that perhaps Verne's book may be rooted in fact. With it's ideas about family values and balancing of humour, action and fantasy, it's a standard family adventure which is likely to enthrall those under 12, and nicely entertain those older teens and adults who will inevitably be dragged along.

First off, let's make something clear - there's no point in seeing this in 2D. That would be like watching Transformers on a tiny, tiny screen, or listening to metal with the sound turn way down - this film was MADE to be 3D. Also, there isn't really anything special at all about the film except for the 3D effects, and I feel that in 2D it would be, not exactly boring, but flat. In short, the 3D was incredible. Whilst regular films are a picture of what's going on, in 3D it's more like a window into the film, giving everything depth - however, thing's can also come out of that window. From the start, the audience is poked in the eye with the antennae of a bug, has toothpaste spat into their faces, and a yo-yo thrust into their faces. It's all brilliantly entertaining, leading to many instances when I found myself grinning from ear to ear in the most mundane of situations. It's these shots which would definitely feel out of place in the normal showings, and simultaneously make the 3D special. Also, whilst these "made for 3D" shots were great, they were not the moments that impressed me most. I found instead that the special format worked best for landscapes - a simple aerial shot of a mountain range was truly breathtaking, the crystal clarity of the special Real D glasses elevating the view from something relatively ordinary into something worthy of a genuine gasp. Similarly many of the views in the caves are great, the occasional stalagmite to the face receiving "oohs" from the audience.

The film itself is nothing special at all, really. Played out like King Kong for kids (erm... without the giant gorilla...), the magical land at the center of the Earth resembles a less threatening version of Skull Island, with razor-toothed fish, deadly plants and the odd T-Rex ambling about. And it's not just the setting that the film steals from other (better) films - a mine cart rollercoaster sequence? Temple of Doom. T-Rex running around? Jurassic Park. The estranged relationship between family members? War of the Worlds. Oh - and all of those happen to be Spielberg films. And this film is very much Spielberg-lite; perfect for those who aren't too fussy about what adventure they want to see, and are just bothered about being entertained. So, whilst the scenes aren't as good as they are in their "original" forms, they are still highly entertaining, especially in 3D. There are also a few moments of comedy (though a couple towards the end were unintentional), some visual jokes working brilliantly, contributing well to the film's family adventure feel.

Whilst there's nothing particularly wrong with the film, there always feels like there's something missing, scenes that should be totally thrilling merely making me sit back and enjoy. This could be due to the fact that I felt that I had seen it all before, though I'm sure that anyone under the age of 12 would think it's the best film ever. In conclusion, it's a diverting film merged to some amazing 3D effects, that will enthrall younger viewers and entertain any older teens and adults. If you've never seen anything in 3D before, it's definitely worth going - and don't expect any rubbishy green and red glasses. Here in the 21st century, 3D is almost a perfected art...

Entertainment Value: 3.5/5
Genre Value: 3/5
Style: 4/5
Overall Rating: 3.5/5

The Spiderwick Chronicles Review

A new entry in the "DVD" category is kid's fantasy/action/horror "The Spiderwick Chronicles". When a single-parent family moves into a dead relative's house in the woods, the children find a book with a big warning on it saying "DO NOT OPEN". Before you can say abracadabra, goblins, trolls and other beasties are fighting their way into the house to capture the book, due to the many secrets and information contained within it...

This is a surprisingly good addition to the genre, which is quickly becoming tired with lacklustre efforts such as Eragon and the like. Better than Narnia without reaching the magic of the Potters, it's perfect for those over-eight's looking for a new fantasy series based on children's books. More enjoyable than Narnia, its homely feel (the kids rarely leave the house) is more intimate than the isolating scale of other genre entries, and whilst the CGI is not terrible, the occasionally dodgy creatures have a ropey charm.

Comparable to Jumanji, the story offers more scares than Potter and Narnia, the story turning into a home-invasion horror for kids. Intense scenes may prove too much for younger kids to handle, and the big baddie is pretty scary. Most of the acting is pretty good too, especially Freddie Highmore in a dual role as identical twins Jared and Simon. Seth Rogen competently voices his character, who offers most of the film's comic relief as the children's snouted, goblin-y sidekick Hogsqueal.

So, for those with slightly older kids and an hour and a half to spare (a decent running time - the film feels no need to have a bloated length), this is a good way to entertain all of the family. Whilst it may not have the sparkle and magic of Potter, it has an exciting narrative that'll be sure to entertain those of all ages.

Entertainment Value: 3.5/5
Genre Value: 4/5
Style: 2/5
Overall Rating: 3/5

The Mist Review

There has been a rather good trend recently of horror films actually turning out to be pretty good - [.REC], The Orphanage, The Descent (OK, that one's a little older). Could it be that producing companies/distributors have realised that everyone hates those 15-rated 80's horror remakes? Let's hope so, because if films like The Mist keep coming out, I may well have to turn my attention back to the genre...

To keep it simple, The Mist is one of the best horror films I've ever seen. Whilst it may not reach the intensity of, say, "The Descent", or the filmic brilliance of "Alien", when it comes to serving up some insane scares with a great storyline and believable characters, The Mist knocks 'em dead. The story is easy to follow - bad storm, natural/supernatural mist closes in, people trapped in convenience store fight for their lives - and it's nice to see a film that manages to balance characterisation with lots of scary action really well. Of course, with Frank Darabont directing, this was never going to be yet another recycled horror debacle.

The monsters, all CGI (which is limited due to the budget - though you'll hardly care), are truly horrific. Following very closely, according to Alex, the descriptions of the creatures in Stephen King's novella, they provide many of the non-human scares, and amiably so. From giant spiders who shoot acidic webs (in an excellent, terrifically tense scene in a chemist's) to toothed tentacles belonging to an unseen 'thing' which rip off flesh disturbingly easily, we are shown enough to be scared, whilst giving the feeling that what we see is not even the worst of what is out there. The film follows a style similar to that of War of the Worlds, as we follow only one father's story of trying to protect his son, meaning that we never are shown everything, in keeping with the novella's occasional ambiguity. Also, it's nice to have something truly monstrous in a horror film - none of those silly malformed psycho-killers a la Jigsaw or Leatherface.

Not all of the horror is built up through the creatures, with tension being amped up in the film's true message. The development of the characters trapped in the shop is fantastic, slowly building up tension as attemps to escape the mist inevitably end tragically. It is also here that we encounter the film's greatest asset - Marcia Gay Harden (teehee!) - a religious nutjob, whose theories and speculations of imminent apocalypse at first seems crazy, but soons develops a following. She is truly creepy, her monologues always sending a shiver down the spine.

As with many King adaptations, whilst there are many conclusions, we are left to interpret alot for ourselves, making the viewing of the film more personal to whoever watches it. We are all able to read into it how much or how litte we want - those looking for intelligence, chills and meaning in a horror film will get it, and those who want to see a scary monster film about unnatural (?) fog will get exactly that. The whole thing leads up to a gut-wrenching final scene that may be too downbeat and shocking for some, but I personally loved - finally a Hollywood horror movie grows some serious balls. What happens is, in every way, the true meaning of horror. I implore you to see The Mist. It is brilliant.

Genre Value: 4/5
Entertainment Value: 4/5
Style: 4/5
Overall Rating: 4/5

The Mist is released nationwide in cinemas on Friday July 4th

Diary of the Dead Review

This is the first of a new category on "I Hate How Fake Hollywood Is..." of films that have recently come out or are soon to be released onto DVD.

Diary of the Dead is George A Romero's attempt at a cam-corder zombie movie. Being the daddy of zombie film directors, it seems that, whilst an innovative concept (despite it being pipped to the post by Cloverfield and [.REC]), Romero appears to be trying to get up with the times and get down with the kids. Before I go ahead and semi-rip into this film, it must be said that I used to LOVE zombie films before I got bored of the horror genre, and still have a like of them now.

Because I used to think zombies were the best thing ever in the entire world, I decided to watch Diary of the Dead, hoping it would live up to the recent [.REC], a frenetic exercise in pant-wetting film making. It had mixed reviews, but the documentary style intrigued me, as I was inevitably caught in the Cloverfield/camcorder movie pre-release hype. Some of Romero's fans have said that the style doesn't work, or that it was annoying, but the truth is that the style, which, like in Cloverfield and [.REC] brings a sense of immediacy to the film, is not actually the problem.

Romero's films have always been satirical of the various issues he felt needed to be addressed in society. In "Dawn...", there was his criticism of our materialistic nature, and in "Land..." he addressed Bush's America. Here in "Diary..." is Romero's view that the media is lying to us all, and it never gives the full picture, and that we're actually zombies to the media, and that we rely on it too much, and that blah-de-blah-de-blah. This would've worked well if it was a subtext that you could read into if you were interested, but the way it is tackled is downright preachy, to the effect that the audience feel's like its in a lecture instead of watching a zombie film. And it's not like anyone would argue if they were told that the media is biased. In feeling the need to tell us this, the script is riddled with terrible lines, which aren't delivered well by the sub-par cast, for instance Debra handing a camera to Jason in disgust, saying "Take this - it's too easy to use", or, in a ridiculous voiceover "The media were lying to us... trying to make it seem like everything was gonna be alright". It completely detracted from my enjoyment of the film, and always made me feel taken out of the story (which gets boring in it's linear "drive/stop off/kill zombies - rinse, repeat" style).

This isn't the only thing wrong with the film either. The characters are decidedly weak, and I never really cared about any of them. A couple seriously grated after a while, and the cameraman is decidedly annoying. When his friends ask why the hell he's filming everyone dying instead of actually helping, the audience can't help but readily agree with them, leading to many scenes where you wish you could slap him across the face and tell him that he's the one that needs to wake up - not us. Similarly, the group's stereotypical British teacher is infuriating. Talking drunkenly in one of the worst accents I've ever heard, I wanted this guy to die from the start. Not a great thing in a horror movie, really. Everything that furthers his stereotype, for example, when given a choice of weapons, he takes an archaic bow and arrow, cos, y'know he's an old stuffy Briddish guy, just made me hate him more and more. The only one I actually liked was the Amish guy, providing some well needed comedy to the film. He occasionally made me laugh out loud (the bit where he introduces himself is hilarious), and he provides one of the best zombie moments. Most of the other characters are so bland that they don't really bear writing about here.

All of this is a shame, because when it comes down to the zombie stuff, Romero is still the king. Whilst [.REC] gave us a fair few panic attacks when it came to running away from the 'infected', "Diary..." has some inspired ideas. I don't want to ruin much, but a hospital scene with a defibrillator and a zombie + acid = WOW moment show that he reigns supreme when it comes to thinking up awesome stuff to throw at the undead.

So basically, if you're a zombie fan, watch it for the variety of great moments. If you don't want to be lectured to at great length about the media, then you're best to avoid this one. But if you persevere, watch out for the zombie clown...

Genre Value: 2.5/5
Entertainment Value: 2/5
Style: 2/5
Overall Rating: 2/5

Diary of the Dead will be released on 1 and 2-Disc DVD on June 30th